Zoltan is a three-panel cartoon that looks at some of the issues and absurdities of looking for work and the digital universe. The cartoon is then supported by an essay that looks into the issue, why this might be a thing and what we can do about it
This will eventually be a list of all the Zoltan essays
This is a list of all the Zoltan and the related job seeking dysfunction essays you might find useful.
65) The tapestry of time – The Bayeux Tapestry arrived at the British Museum this week in a climate-controlled crate inside a steel cage, driven under armed escort and shipped through a channel tunnel. https://tinyurl.com/ddwkw8h8
64) The house always wins – Somewhere on LinkedIn right now, a post is doing very well. It says something like “I would rather walk barefoot across a rug made entirely of Lego than tell a room of strangers a fun fact about myself.” – https://tinyurl.com/bdawpe55
63) Boiling an egg on Mars – Trying to use LinkedIn to get a job is like trying to boil an egg on Mars – the environment is wrong, the pressure is off, and most of the advice comes from people who have never left Earth – https://tinyurl.com/ysktr5t3
62) The undead rejection letter – Everyone knows ghosting. It’s practically a courtesy at this point, at least it’s consistent, and at least it has the decency to stay dead. https://tinyurl.com/bddx6emh
61) That’s life… There are two kinds of PM in this country, and lately they’re having the same kind of year. – https://tinyurl.com/yz7589z8
60) It’s coming home. Eventually. Maybe. The World Cup is here. Scotland have qualified for the first time in decades. They got a bank holiday for the occasion. – https://tinyurl.com/n6s5m883
59) You are welcome to not follow me – There is a particular type of LinkedIn post that appears with the inevitability of a delayed Cross Country train to York. https://tinyurl.com/y3fkhuke
58) Say “AI slop” one more time – Say it on your smartphone, on your laptop, through your broadband connection, using your cloud-hosted platform, to an audience the algorithm chose for you, in a post your connections will scroll past in 1.3 seconds before the feed serves them something that performed better last Tuesday. – https://tinyurl.com/bdt7e32v
57) Job hunting is easy… Looking for a job is easy. It’s like riding a bike. Except the bike is on fire, you are on fire, and everything is on fire, and you’re in Hell. – https://tinyurl.com/37zwybh8
56) I’m unique, find ME! – This week I received an email; “There are now over 7,600 leadership and executive coaches in the UK, which means it’s becoming more difficult to stand-out to help others stand-out” – https://tinyurl.com/dpbabvzf
55) Prepare three envelopes Prime Minister – There’s an old joke about a new Prime Minister arriving at Downing Street. They find three envelopes in the top drawer of the desk, left by their predecessor with a note: “Open these when things get really difficult.” – https://tinyurl.com/27ja4fd5
54) Their credentials is the failure – I’ve been looking for work for almost a year. So obviously, I’m now qualified to help you find a job. This is LinkedIn in 2026. – https://tinyurl.com/5t4x8x3w
53) LinkedIn is like a box of chocolates – Looking for a job on LinkedIn is like a box of chocolates. All the good ones aren’t there. – https://tinyurl.com/bdcttht3
52) Send in the clones – Someone posts something good. An actual good essay. Maybe with one of those animated graphics that someone clearly spent time on. It gets some traction. People like it. It spreads a bit. – https://tinyurl.com/3vebz8hp
51) We need everyone back in the office – Post-Covid, many companies issued the call. The reasons made sense: collaboration, culture, team cohesion. All valid. Sometimes essential. Often beneficial. – https://tinyurl.com/4j9wtzwk
50) The LinkedIn Nightclub – LinkedIn experts keep telling you the same thing: the fastest way to get noticed isn’t posting, it’s commenting. Here’s what they actually mean. – https://tinyurl.com/m424cspz
49) Mirror mirror on the wall – People are uploading their photos to AI and asking to be redrawn. The results are genuinely good. Creative. Engaging. – https://tinyurl.com/4uv8vtjz
48) Loosing your marbles – So why has modern recruitment become marble racing? Why are we selecting from 300 qualified candidates essentially at random and then pretending it was meritocracy? https://tinyurl.com/6zcm456w
47) I barked at the neighbour’s dog – Linkedin has become a stage where everyone performs a very specific character: the perpetually grateful, endlessly optimistic, relentlessly growth-minded professional who treats every setback as a “learning opportunity” and every rejection as “alignment with my authentic values.” https://tinyurl.com/yvrr74f4
46) Please Mind the Gap – The accusatory nature of the interview question ‘What have you been doing during your unemployment?’ arguing that it ignores the systemic dysfunction of a broken job market – https://tinyurl.com/4xw7cmhb
45) Lipstick on a Pig – The modern necessity of hyper-tailoring CVs with inflated jargon and metrics to bypass automated filters, arguing that while candidates must constantly “paint the pig” to be seen. – https://tinyurl.com/t6e59dtu
44) The illusion of objectivity – Blind recruitment processes, while intended to remove bias, often replace meritocracy with a dehumanising “writing competition” where success depends on decoding hidden rules and matching exact keywords rather than demonstrating actual professional competence. https://tinyurl.com/3yerp293
43) Don’t get fooled again – Warns job seekers about the proliferation of fake recruiter accounts and data-harvesting scams on LinkedIn, urging them to treat the platform with strategic cynicism rather than as a genuine professional network. – https://tinyurl.com/4p22dwke
42) Winning the rat race – Uses the metaphor of rats in a maze to describe the modern job market as a chaotic system of arbitrary barriers and contradictory requirements that emerged from disconnected corporate decisions rather than a deliberate design. – https://tinyurl.com/pva6ptaa
41) The new Inbetweeners – Explores the professional purgatory of workers over 55 who possess decades of valuable experience but find themselves “too old to be hired and too young to retire” – https://tinyurl.com/brvcupje
40) Interview with an AI – Automated video interviews and the system forces candidates to “game” algorithms for facial expressions rather than demonstrating the actual skills required for the role. – https://tinyurl.com/26uyjfce
39) The Jobs that never were – ‘Ghost jobs’ as a corporate tactic for gathering unpaid market research, urging candidates to stop blaming themselves for rejections from positions that were never intended to be filled. – https://tinyurl.com/2p9na7dz
38) What Comes Next – A future defined by “credential collapse” and “mandatory visibility,” where professionals must constantly adapt to invisible rules in an increasingly fragmented job market. – https://tinyurl.com/mry8jsxt
37) A Christmas CV Carol – A parody of A Christmas Carol uses the character of Scrooge to call for a shift from “ATS-battered” mechanical hiring toward a recruitment process built on empathy and human connection. – https://tinyurl.com/4z8zmpcu
36) The LinkedIn visibility gambit – While LinkedIn visibility is a useful supplement, it is a slow “gambit” that cannot replace the pragmatic necessity of traditional job applications for immediate employment. – https://tinyurl.com/3t8es9yb
35) The pantomime horse paradox – Highlights how systemic ageism forces seasoned leaders into invisible, agency-free roles that treat their decades of wisdom as a liability. – https://tinyurl.com/2tnx2cd8
34) The hunting of the Snark – Using Lewis Carroll’s satire, reframes the modern job hunt as a series of ‘impossible’ contradictions where automated systems fail to map true human value. – https://tinyurl.com/4wkct96t
33) The 5-year expiration date – Hiring systems treat experience like ‘perishable dairy,’ favouring recent mediocrity over durable foundational skills and penalising those with non-linear career paths. https://tinyurl.com/57xfk8u3
32) The office Christmas party – Frames the corporate Christmas party as a ‘double bind’ of mandatory emotional labour, where enforced socialising serves as a performance assessment rather than a genuine reward. – https://tinyurl.com/amwwht57
31) Business Analyst Senior – The ‘job title bait-and-switch,’ where professionals are recruited for one role but forced to perform five, leading to systemic burnout and organisational failure. – https://tinyurl.com/bddarsjr
30) The ATS keyword Lottery – The ‘Keyword Lottery’ of ATS systems, where listing basic tools often outweighs decades of competence, forcing candidates to optimise for robots rather than value. – https://tinyurl.com/53knfypr
29) Conformity Zombies! – That ‘experience’ is often corporate shorthand for ‘compliance,’ as companies frequently reject seasoned veterans in favour of “conformity zombies” who won’t challenge existing processes https://tinyurl.com/4j4t5fkp
28) The one-sided feedback request – Highlights the hypocrisy of companies that provide generic rejections while simultaneously demanding detailed ‘candidate experience’ feedback from the applicants they rejected. – https://tinyurl.com/yectc8wt
27) I am not a number – How hiring algorithms reduce seasoned professionals over 50 to a single, disqualifying number. – https://tinyurl.com/2pehtek6
26) Interview Decay Curve – Where excessive multi-stage hiring processes systematically erode candidate enthusiasm and devalue professional experience. – https://tinyurl.com/3jfp5b33
25) Just be yourself – AI is dismantling authentic networking by creating a loop of bots talking to bots, leading them to reject automated polish in favour of honest human imperfection. – https://tinyurl.com/57sd5bkc
24) Job Hunting as an Olympic sport – Modern recruitment is compared to a gruelling Olympic pentathlon where success is less about talent and more about surviving a systemic gauntlet of endurance tests. – https://tinyurl.com/32chr8rv
23) Overcoming Gravity – Humanity’s ability to conquer the physics of space travel with the irrational ‘black hole’ of modern hiring, which remains statistically more difficult to navigate. – https://tinyurl.com/mwcj6y6j
22) Stranded on the shoreline – Critiques the ‘advice economy’ for favouring confident, context-free soundbites over nuanced, experienced-based solutions. – https://tinyurl.com/yw5pakc7
21) When LinkedIn meets tinder – The shift toward dating-app-style profile photos as a symptom of a broken market where professionals feel forced to prioritise attention over competence. – https://tinyurl.com/4cyw4j22
20) Three weeks late – The LinkedIn algorithm for prioritising ‘engagement bait’ and old content over time-sensitive job opportunities, effectively trapping professionals in a cycle of low utility. – https://tinyurl.com/x59958zu
19) Ghostedbusters! – Addresses the ‘ghosting’ epidemic in recruitment as a systemic failure of etiquette that leaves candidates in limbo, urging job seekers to view silence as a corporate flaw rather than a personal one. – https://tinyurl.com/5dn3afha
18) Here is the news. AI now? – Using an AI news anchor as an example, the author suggests the real danger isn’t the technology itself, but a public ‘shrug’ that signals a declining value for authentic, human-led storytelling. – https://tinyurl.com/3cx4zzzf
17) Your AI Copilot got the job – Using AI to optimise job applications creates a generic ‘sameness’ and inadvertently trains the very systems designed to replace human role – https://tinyurl.com/bd9wy7d2
16) We’re not replacing you with AI, but… – Exposes corporate ‘augmentation’ narratives as often being PR-friendly precursors to automation-driven job replacement, urging workers to document their non-automatable value. –https://tinyurl.com/37r95zsr
15) We all have two heads now – Explores AI as a ‘second head’ for augmentation, warning that while it can boost efficiency, humans must retain the critical thinking and moral accountability that machines cannot replicate. https://tinyurl.com/3d6dum6j
14) Outside the Pot – A botanical metaphor to argue that even high-potential professionals will stall in ‘compacted soil’ environments, urging candidates to prioritise organisational culture and ‘soil conditions’ over mere job titles to ensure their growth. https://tinyurl.com/2evzwucs
13) Walking into an ambush – Interviews where recruiters vent frustrations or display aggression, serve as vital diagnostic tools for candidates to identify toxic company cultures and systemic leadership failures before joining. – https://tinyurl.com/3yv54dz7
12) Join our family – The ‘workplace family’ trope is often a deceptive marketing tactic used to mask organisational dysfunction and demand unearned loyalty, urging candidates to prioritise operational reality over emotional bait. – https://tinyurl.com/3c32uhvr
11) Keeping your CV on stand-by – Examines the collapse of traditional job security, urging professionals to adopt a ‘permanent career readiness’ mindset to navigate a volatile market where constant networking and self-reliance are the only true safeguards against corporate instability. – https://tinyurl.com/2zckrmc4
10) Answer these questions three – Tedious job portal screening questions are a ‘gift’for authentic storytelling, allowing candidates to showcase the nuanced human skills and leadership context that standard CV scans often overlook. – https://tinyurl.com/3pwsp6xk
9) You have six seconds… – The ‘six-second’ CV review as a reductionist trend that forces complex leadership experience into superficial bullet points, urging a shift from instant algorithmic judgment back to valuing professional depth. – https://tinyurl.com/3v2ad6ju
8) Murder, Spaceships, Explosions, and Robots – Argues that professionals must master the ‘art of compression’, balancing catchy, high-level value propositions with technical depth to capture attention in a crowded job market. – https://tinyurl.com/2ntcvfa9
7) The Goalkeeper’s dilemma – The misapplication of individual sales metrics to collaborative roles, arguing that a leader’s true value lies in supporting the team and ensuring stability rather than chasing irrelevant personal stats. – https://tinyurl.com/mvkst4ew
6) Schrödinger’s job application – The dehumanising ‘professional void’ of automated hiring systems, calling for a transparent, human-centric recruitment process that prioritises actual experience over algorithmic silence. – https://tinyurl.com/ywtppptu
5) We’re all salesmen – All professionals are essentially in sales, contending that technical expertise must be paired with strategic persuasion to successfully influence stakeholders and deliver real value. – https://tinyurl.com/bxcw3d93
4) If it were only that simple – Debunks the myth of AI as a resume “magic bullet,” arguing that automated keyword-matching creates generic profiles that lack the authentic, insight-driven connection necessary to impress human recruiters. – https://tinyurl.com/3zwcadc3
3) Growth Hacking Ninja Rockstar – Job titles that mask organisational confusion, advocating for clear, competency-based roles that prioritise actual delivery over buzzword-heavy rhetoric. – https://tinyurl.com/45pb3nvr
2) Open the Pod Bay Doors HAL – AI’s lack of common sense and tendency to fixate on wrong contexts make human oversight essential to prevent automated errors. – https://tinyurl.com/yhj8nhpn
1) Old dogs learning new tricks – The tech industry’s obsession with constant upskilling unfairly devalues the indispensable wisdom and “old tricks” that only decades of professional experience can provide. https://tinyurl.com/n848r39x
About me
Thank you for taking time to read this and I hope you found this interesting, thoughtful or something.
To be clear, these essays are NOT about the guy who ranting about job searching because he can’t get hired and ‘woe is me’, but the astute observer of a systemic job seeking dysfunction who just happens to be looking for work.